As the holiday season unfolds, so do images of perfect gatherings, joyful reunions and twinkling lights. But behind the sparkle, not everyone feels merry. For many, the holiday season brings more weight than wonder—a time marked by illness, grief, loneliness, burnout or a quiet exhaustion that a cup of hot cocoa doesn’t remedy. In a year marked by personal loss, illness or other major uncertainties, the pressure to be cheerful can feel especially heavy.

Those of us not feeling festive are not alone.

Recognize and Accept Our Feelings

Mental health experts agree that one of the most compassionate things we can do for ourselves during the holidays is simply to acknowledge how we feel.

Psychotherapist Julia Veser, LCSW, comments, “When challenging people, places or events are triggering, naming what we feel is the first step to taming it. Giving our experience language creates space, steadies our nervous system and empowers us to act in ways that feel better.”

That means it’s okay to skip a party, scale back gift-giving or decline traditions that feel like too much. No rule says we must attend every event or decorate every corner of our home. Instead, practice self-compassion. If our energy is low, allow it to be. If we are grieving, let the tears come. Setting realistic expectations—for ourselves and others—can ease the internal pressure to perform joy.

Create Space for Peace and Comfort

When the world feels loud and bright, small, soothing rituals can offer refuge. Write in a journal. Light a candle and sit in silence. Listen to music that is calming instead of holiday songs that sting. These acts might seem simple, but they help ground the nervous system.

Malinda Harnish Clatterbuck, MA, counselor and spiritual director, says, “One of the things that can help deal with holiday stress is to get outside—in the woods or on a trail. The smell and colors of the leaves, the smell of earth—all bring a calm sense of connectedness.”

The goal isn’t to escape our emotions—it’s to create enough stillness to meet them with gentleness. A few minutes of peace, repeated daily, can restore balance when the season feels like too much.

Connect in Ways That Feel Right

While solitude can be healing, total isolation often deepens sadness. Connection remains essential—but it doesn’t have to mean crowded gatherings or forced small talk. Reach out to a trusted friend and share honestly how things are going. Attending a book club, comedy show or support group can also foster meaningful moments of connection that aren’t centered on the holiday season.

“Spending time with people who help us feel seen, valued and supported is essential for our well-being. It’s completely okay to limit our energy with those who don’t nurture these feelings,” Veser remarks.

Sometimes, sending a message, making a brief phone call or simply sitting beside someone in quiet companionship can offer more comfort than a full day of festivities.

Reframe the Season

If traditional celebrations feel hollow or overwhelming, it may help to reframe what the holidays represent. This can be a time for reflection rather than revelry—a pause before the new year to honor what we’ve lived through. 

“Most of us feel joy, pain, love, happiness, sorrow, and yet what brings these emotions to the surface can be different for us all. It’s okay to try new things. It’s okay to rely on old things. What is important is acknowledging where we are at any given moment and identifying what we need. Remembering a loved one at intentional moments allows you to feel your grief, to remember the joy that person brought you in the past and to hold onto how your loved one still lives on in you,” Harnish Clatterbuck reflects.

When to Seek Extra Support

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, sadness lingers or deepens. If we experience persistent hopelessness, withdrawal from friends, disrupted sleep or thoughts of self-harm, it may be time to seek professional help.

Harnish Clatterbuck emphasizes, “It is always okay to say, ‘I need help.’ There may be people who say or do things that hurt, but know there are also so many people who will accept and love you for who you are. Finding those connections can be hard, and if it is proving to be challenging, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Know that even when it feels like it, you are not alone.”

Many therapists offer virtual sessions during the holidays, and crisis hotlines such as the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline provide free, confidential help 24/7. Even a single conversation with a counselor, doctor or trusted spiritual leader can open a path toward relief.

Finding Light in Our Own Way

The holidays don’t have to look a certain way. Our celebrations—or our quiet pauses—can be as unique as our needs.

Veser encourages, “Share parts of ourselves with the people who feel safe. Our vulnerability is not a weakness but an expression of strength. When we allow others to see our authentic experiences, we create space for deeper, more meaningful connections. Vulnerability becomes a bridge, one that reminds us that being human is a shared experience and that none of us are meant to navigate it in isolation.”

So if our holidays look more blue than bright this year, we can take heart. The season’s true meaning isn’t in the glitter or noise—it’s in the quiet courage of tending to our own spirits.

Malinda Harnish Clatterbuck’s practice is located at 228 E. Orange St., in Lancaster. For more information, call 717-875-5066 or visit MHarnishTherapy.com. Julia Veser’s practice is located at 53 N. Duke St., in Lancaster. For more information, call 717-750-9900 or visit JuliaVeser.com. 

Trella Dubetz is a trauma-informed bodyworker, holistic and human design practitioner, graphic designer and writer based in Lancaster and Huntingdon counties. She blends creativity with healing practices to support personal transformation. Connect with her at TrellaDubetz.com.